


The Anchor

by corgasbord



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Body Dysphoria, Depression, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Trans Character, the whole shebang, with a side of light angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 00:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10775970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corgasbord/pseuds/corgasbord
Summary: Some nights are harder than others for Shuuichi. Kaito understands, and tries to be the grounding force his boyfriend needs.





	The Anchor

**Author's Note:**

> hey it's me, your friendly neighborhood saimota provider, here to make shuuichi sad yet again. i realized it's been a while since i posted any saimota to ao3, so i figured i should remedy that with some quick fluff. i guess this could be considered a follow-up of sorts to [Lethargy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9667652), but a whole lot gayer. hope y'all like it!
> 
> ([tumblr](http://corgiboard.tumblr.com/post/160171651255/the-anchor) link)

Kaito worries about his boyfriend a lot more than he’d care to admit.

He has good reason to, really. Shuuichi is far too hard on himself, driven into ruts of sleeplessness and self-loathing by depression, dysphoria, and an overall lack of confidence, all of which are things Kaito is entirely unfamiliar with.

Still, he’s always done what he can to help Shuuichi. Long before they started dating, Kaito established a workout regimen for them in order to give Shuuichi’s confidence a boost. And, to a degree, he honestly believes that it did improve.

That doesn’t mean it’s always smooth sailing, though.

There are nights like tonight, for example, when things seem perfectly ordinary at first. The two of them are absorbed in their evening ritual, doing crunches on Kaito’s front lawn. The sun has set, the sky is clear, the stars are out, and all seems well - that is, until Kaito completes his set and looks over to see Shuuichi still struggling with his.

If this had been a couple of years ago, before Shuuichi came out to him and before he learned to read Shuuichi’s body language, Kaito might have dismissed it as a result of Shuuichi getting out of shape. Now he knows better. His brow furrows with concern, and he watches Shuuichi curl his upper body with slow, jerky movements and audible shortness of breath.

“Shuuichi,” he says sternly, “you’re wearing it again, aren’t you?”

Instead of answering verbally, Shuuichi stops, letting himself sink into the grass with a pitiful wheeze. Kaito’s eyes trail down to Shuuichi’s heaving chest, and his suspicions are confirmed: it’s _too_ flat. The only thing that could mean is that Shuuichi has a binder on, which he’s come to learn can create some very negative side effects. 

“Dammit, Shuuichi,” Kaito sighs, pinching the bridge of his own nose in exasperation. “You know that’s not good for you. At this rate, you’re gonna end up seriously hurting yourself.”

Shuuichi doesn’t answer, still busy trying to catch his breath, so Kaito makes the executive decision to cut their training short tonight. “Let’s go inside, okay? You need to take that thing off before you fucking pass out.”

Shuuichi hesitates, like he might try to argue, but he ultimately thinks better of it and concedes with a weak nod.

Kaito rises from his spot on the grass and leans down, one hand outstretched, to help Shuuichi up. Shuuichi takes it, heaving himself to his feet with a grimace before breaking away to stand on his own. He doesn’t say anything as they make their way back into Kaito’s house, but he doesn’t need to. It’s just one of those nights, Kaito supposes.

“You know, it’s already pretty late,” he remarks, closing his bedroom door once Shuuichi has staggered in after him. “Why don’t you just stay the night?” This wouldn’t be the first time they’ve had an impromptu sleepover, after all, and he gets the sense that Shuuichi could use the company.

Still silent save for his labored breathing, Shuuichi just nods again, staring at the floor.

Kaito frowns at that. “All right, dude, take it off. I can scrounge up something for you to sleep in.” He shuffles over to his dresser to dig out a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that might actually fit Shuuichi. “You can use my shower, too, if you want.”

Shuuichi only makes a quiet noise of what could be affirmation. He accepts the clothes Kaito places in his arms, then trudges off to the bathroom to do as he's told.

A few minutes later, Kaito hears the distant sound of running water, and only then does he begin to relax. _Good. At least he's taking care of himself._

In the meantime, he busies himself by preparing their bedding, then plants himself on it cross-legged to wait for Shuuichi’s return. It’s only a matter of minutes before the other boy emerges wearing Kaito’s clothes, his sweat-damp workout clothes hugged to his chest.

“You can just leave those on the floor,” Kaito says, standing again and grabbing the same pajamas he’s been wearing for the past two days. Then he walks past Shuuichi, giving his wet hair a playful rustle on the way. “I’m gonna hop in the shower real quick, too. Try not to miss me too much.”

He can’t help but grin when he gets an amused little snort in response.

True to his word, he finishes his shower in what he’s sure is record time. He exits the bathroom, dirty clothes balled up in one hand while he uses the other to ruffle a towel through his hair, then tosses it all onto a growing pile of laundry on the floor to be dealt with later.

Shuuichi is sitting on the futon with his knees pulled up to his chest, and somehow, he looks smaller than ever. He glances up at Kaito, meeting his eyes for only a second, and the urge to hold him becomes practically overwhelming.

He doesn’t. He knows better. Instead, he settles across from Shuuichi, legs sprawled and arms opened invitingly, offering a hug rather than taking one.

To his delight, Shuuichi accepts, uncurling slightly to shift closer until his side rests against Kaito’s torso. Kaito immediately wraps around him, pressing his face into his still-damp hair and folding his limbs as though to shield him from the world. What he wouldn’t give, he thinks, for Shuuichi’s insecurities to manifest in some physical form, because then they would be something that he could actually fight. Maybe then he’d be able to actually protect him, like he’s promised to do time and time again. The knowledge that he can’t do that - that he can’t pull Shuuichi out of his own head for long enough to make him love himself - has always been difficult for him to accept.

But, at the very least, he can love Shuuichi enough for the both of them.

“Feeling better?” he mumbles against Shuuichi’s head, drawing a hand up and down his back.

Shuuichi pauses, like he has to think about it, then shrugs. “A little.”

Kaito hums, pulling his face back just enough to smile reassuringly. “Well, a little’s better than not at all, right?”

When he only gets a noncommittal grunt in response, he sighs. His fingers press lightly into Shuuichi’s back, feeling the proof of how tightly wound he is. “And… and you haven’t been having any trouble breathing lately, even without your binder?”

Shuuichi keeps his head tilted down, cheek resting against Kaito’s collarbone. “No, I’m fine. Really. You don’t need to worry about it so much.”

“I do, though,” Kaito insists. “One of these days, that’s gonna fuck you up. I mean, you were wearing it for the whole day, too, weren’t you?”

Shuuichi is silent, which is all the affirmation Kaito needs.

“Thought so. Just… you gotta be more careful about shit like that, man.”

“I know.” There’s a pause, a breath, then, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Kaito says immediately, setting his jaw. He hates hearing that. It’s a verbal reminder that in spite of whatever progress they’ve made, Shuuichi remains insecure enough to need some assurance that he’s not an inconvenience.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything- especially not to me,” Kaito continues, giving Shuuichi a squeeze. “I just want you to take care of yourself, y’know?”

“I do know. It’s just… that’s easier said than done, sometimes.”

“The stuff that’s most worth doing is never easy.”

Shuuichi lets out a quiet laugh, but the sound is short and dry and forced. “I guess you have a point.”

“‘Course I do. I’m Kaito Momota, the man on the fast track to space,” he says, like that means anything. Maybe it doesn’t, but at least it gets a more genuine laugh out of Shuuichi.

Smiling now, Kaito slides his arms beneath Shuuichi’s to hold him closer, then tips backwards onto the futon. He lands on his back, drawing a soft “oof” from him and a startled yelp from Shuuichi, who proceeds to shoot him a look of mild irritation. Kaito just snickers, hugging Shuuichi flat against his chest.

“Comfortable?” Shuuichi asks, having tiredly resigned himself to this turn of events.

“Yep!” Kaito replies cheerfully, and as his arms loosen slightly around Shuuichi to give him more breathing room, he realizes that he can’t remember what it was like to hug Shuuichi’s wiry little frame before it was layered with lean muscle.

He proceeds to absentmindedly thumb circles between Shuuichi’s shoulder blades as if to rub the tension out of them, resting his opposite hand on the small of Shuuichi’s back. “You know,” he starts, tone contemplative, “I think you’ve been bulking up a little more, recently.”

Shuuichi blinks up at him, surprised. “Have I?”

“Totally! You’re heavier than I remember, and it feels to me like that’s all muscle.” He moves one hand to pinch Shuuichi’s biceps for emphasis.

“I think you might be giving me too much credit,” Shuuichi chuckles.

“I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit,” Kaito retorts, pinching Shuuichi’s arm again. “I mean, you’ve been working hard lately, training most nights outta the week. Obviously that’d produce results fast. And it did! It really shows, trust me.”

“Momota-kun…”

“Kaito,” Kaito corrects him. It never ceases to amaze him that even after the year or so that they’ve been dating, Shuuichi still forgets to abandon the formalities sometimes.

“K-Kaito.” There’s a faint tremor in his voice when he says it, and his eyes glimmer when they catch the dim moonlight filtering in through the curtains. “Um… thanks. For- for everything, I suppose.”

Kaito scoffs. “S’not like I did anything you even need to thank me for in the first place.”

“You might not think that, but I do. You do a lot for me, and- and I appreciate it,” Shuuichi says, a little haltingly. “I… I appreciate you.”

“That’s kind of a funny way to say that you love me,” Kaito teases. “But hey, I love you, too. And I’m proud of you, for sticking it out during your rough days - you know that, right?” He punctuates this with a sloppy kiss to Shuuichi’s temple.

Shuuichi nods and tucks his face into Kaito’s shoulder, and Kaito hears him take a shuddering breath. Idly, Kaito lifts his hand from Shuuichi’s arm to tease through his still-drying hair, the motions soothing and repetitive.

“You’re strong, Shuuichi. And yeah, maybe you forget that sometimes, but it doesn’t stop being true- don’t ever think that it’s not true.” He’s rambling at this point, but he doesn’t care, because he feels like Shuuichi needs the distraction. When he hears a quiet sniffle he has to force himself to ignore it, because that just means that he’s right.

He doesn’t run out of things to say, doesn’t even come close, by the time Shuuichi grows limp and unresponsive atop him. At that point, he tilts his head enough to look down at Shuuichi and confirm that he’s asleep. He must be, Kaito figures, because he looks far too relaxed to be awake, even with the flush and the half-dried tear tracks staining his cheeks. There’s something sad about that, something Kaito can’t put into words.

Gently, he drags the pad of his thumb beneath Shuuichi’s cheek as though to wipe it clean, then lets his hand fall completely with a sigh. Whatever Shuuichi’s dreaming about, Kaito hopes it’s more pleasant than whatever his waking thoughts were, at least. He deserves that much.

Planting one last kiss on the top of Shuuichi’s head with a whispered “Love you” that he knows the sleeping boy can’t hear, Kaito settles back against his pillow and trains his eyes on the ceiling. He counts the faded glow-in-the-dark star stickers that he scattered across it months ago, and with each one he recalls another thing he loves about Shuuichi; another thing to tell him when he’s awake.

When he eventually closes his eyes and gives up in favor of sleep, it’s only because there aren’t enough stars in the sky, much less on his bedroom ceiling, to account for all of them.


End file.
